sigh and argh

argh.
Here's an update on breastfeeding and our failures at it. At one point a few weeks back, I thought Elliot was starting to get it. But I was wrong.
He nurses a little every other feeding or so. This usually lasts from 2-15 minutes, but it's never enough for a real meal. He's always still hungry when he spits out the nipple, and refuses to take it again (and the crying is even louder if I try to offer the other side). So, I still have to pump and feed him with a bottle.
Nipple confusion? Dislike of nursing? Other issues?
It's frustrating. But at least he's getting breast milk.

However a new issue came to light the other day. I keep saying, "But at least he's getting breast milk." and "I don't mind pumping as long as he's getting my milk." We had the opportunity to go whale watching this weekend, but couldn't go because pumping is NOT really portable. Yes, I could take bottles ( I have plenty). But pumping in the car or on a boat with lots of other people, or in a public place isn't really doable. And if I don't pump multiple times in the day, my milk slows, my boobs hurt and it's an all round bad situation.

It also makes me feel like a bad parent to not be able to do this basic human/mammalian procedure. Also, he's just fussy, crying A LOT these days, so that contributes to my feeling like a bad mother. I just want a happy baby. He's decidedly not happy right now. Nursing would be a comfort to both him AND me.
Sigh.